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Sucking away valuable moments of your life ...

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

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The adaptation of my favorite graphic novel “Watchmen” is premiering tonight as a motion picture. I have mixed feelings about it, as the creator has disavowed all film adaptations of his work, and apparently Snyder changed the ending. You’d think after a travesty like V for Vendetta that directors would keep it in their pants and learn to respect good writing. Just because you can script Keanu Reeves saying “whoa!” for a few hours doesn’t mean you can out-write Alan Moore.

That being said, there’s always the chance that it’s going to be amazing. From the trailers, it does look as though it has all sorts of whizz-bang Hollywoody special effects, which should at least give me 2 hours 45 minutes worth of … something.

Keep in mind that when Hollywood does comics, they always have to try to “out do” the source material. And if you don’t believe that, remember the following highlights from days of yore while you’re waiting in line for the people who just heard of this thing a few days ago to purchase their tickets:

  • Batman and Robin – Nipples on the batsuit and the Governator playing a 90-pound weaking scientist. Bob Kane must have soiled himself just being within a few miles of any theater playing it.
  • Hulk – Just because you’re related to the legendary Stan Lee doesn’t mean you’re qualified to direct anything. It took a complete remake of this a few years later to take away the stink.
  • League of Extraordinary Gentlemen – No better way to eviscerate your source material than to completely disregard everything about it. Character development, what’s that? Let’s make Sean Connery into a badass instead of a horrible opium addict! Yeah! That’ll be better than the original! Schmucks.
  • Superman Returns – The original costume was going to be thrown out because someone found it, I quote, “too faggy.” And Superman was originally slated to have goons attack the bad guys in his ice palace. I couldn’t make this drek up if I tried. If that’s not enough, let Kevin Smith tear it up for you.

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